My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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