it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
