Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
