and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
