They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
