I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
