I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
