so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
