Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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