and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
