Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
