apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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