youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
