so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
