My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
