maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have aggressive nipples.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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