we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
