Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
