Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need moral support for this bender
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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