ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
