So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
