Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
