no, he came in my armpit
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
