i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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