All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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