He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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