if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
