so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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