Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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