i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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