do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize