I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
