Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
