Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
