Don't you send me to vm
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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