I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
