i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
