im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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