I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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