so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The best revenge is premature balding
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize