ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I believe in your delicious
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
