He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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