You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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