so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
