I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
