He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
