No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
