But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's intense
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
