So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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