So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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