TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the condom got lost in my hair
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
