I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
