I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
