So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
