And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
