how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
A+ Viking dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
