K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
