yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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