oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
