dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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