Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
