why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
