Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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