My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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