So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize