Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
