Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
