mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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