i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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