Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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