We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
