Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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