the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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